She consented to take me into her
game. I had to swear, and cross my heart, and give endless words of
honor,--all that for a position of a traffic man, like the one in
Tumen. I had to swear that no cooks, or maids, or ladies (especially
ladies!) would distract me from the thought of her. Very selfish, but
understandable. It was late, when she left me.
"Alex," she said on the threshold,--"Please don't talk. Do not write,
please! You'll have time to finish your diary, and write even a series
of books on the subject afterwards. Maybe I'll help you even. Close
your diary. Give it to me, I'll hide it!..."
"Is _that_ so?" I said,--"there is nothing now that would be of
interest _to you_."
"Everything interests me, dear. Aren't you mean to your Lucie?... Very
well, hide it yourself, burn it, if you can't hide it. Can't you keep
in your mind your impressions? Do you promise? Consider me too!"
"I promise. I'll do it. I must only write all about this evening.
Every word. This evening I almost trust you. It is of historical value
therefore."
She gave her consent.
When the door closed after her, and my lips were still burning,
hideous phantoms of doubt poured into the room; they tortured me, and
sneered at me, and kept me awake....
And with the pale rose of the first sunrays the phantoms of doubt left
me exhausted, miserable and helpless like a wet cat.
* * * * *
_Translator's note.
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