I can tell you nothing, for what is there
that can be said? I will not even think either of to-morrow or of the
day after to-morrow."[213] The truth is that, as he tells us in his
Autobiography, he was now in an embarrassing position. His relations
to Lili had become such that a decisive step was necessary in the
interests of both. During the last fortnight of March his mood was
certainly not that of a happy lover. To break with Lili was a step
which circumstances as well as his own attachment to her made a dire
alternative. On the other hand, from the bond of marriage, as we know,
he shrank with every instinct of his nature. Only a few weeks before,
doubtless with his own possible fate in front of him, he had put these
words in the mouth of Fernando in his _Stella_: "I would be a fool to
allow myself to be shackled. That state [marriage] smothers all my
powers; that state robs me of all my spirits, cramps my whole being. I
must forth into the free world."[214] Goethe did eventually take the
decision of Fernando, but not just yet. On March 25th he wrote to
Herder: "It seems as if the twisted threads on which my fate hangs,
and which I have so long shaken to and fro in oscillating rotation,
would at last unite.
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