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Hume, Fergus, 1859-1932

"Madame Midas"

'I had two out last week, and now this one's
started.'
'Try a roasted fig, Topsy dear,' suggested her mother, who, now,
having finished her hot water, looked longingly at the kettle for
more.
'Toothache,' growled Topsy, in reply, 'not gumboil;' the remedy
suggested by Mrs Pulchop being for the latter of these ills.
'You are quite well, at any rate,' said Kitty to Anna, cheerfully.
Anna, however, declined to be considered in good health. 'I fancy my
back is going to ache,' she said, darkly placing her hand in the
small of it. 'I'll have to put a linseed poultice on it tonight, to
draw the cold out.'
Then she groaned dismally, and her mother and sister, hearing the
familiar sound, also groaned, so there was quite a chorus, and Kitty
felt inclined to groan also, out of sympathy.
'M. Vandeloup is coming to dinner tonight,' she said, timidly, to
Mrs Pulchop.
'And a wonder it is, my sweet angel,' said that lady, indignantly,
rising and glancing at the pretty girl, now so pale and sad-looking,
'it's once in a blue moon as he comes 'ome, a--leaving you to mope
at home like a broken-hearted kitten in a coal box. Ah, if he only
had a liver, that would teach him manners.'
Groans of assent from the Misses Pulchops, who both had livers and
were always fighting with them.
'And what, my neglected cherub,' asked Mrs Pulchop, going to a
looking-glass which always hung in the kitchen, for the three to
examine their tongues in, 'what shall I give you for dinner?'
Kitty suggested a fowl, macaroni cheese, and fruit for dessert,
which bill of fare had such an effect on the family that they all
groaned in unison.


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