With these pictures to go back upon at her will she was never
dull, but saw herself moving through the various scenes of her life with
a continual sympathy, feeling for herself in all her troubles,--sometimes
approving, sometimes judging that woman who had been so pretty, so happy,
so miserable, and had gone through everything that life can go through.
How much that is, looking back upon it!--passages so hard that the wonder
was how she could survive them; pangs so terrible that the heart would
seem at its last gasp, but yet would revive and go on.
Besides these, however, she had many mild pleasures. She had a pretty
house full of things which formed a graceful _entourage_ suitable, as
she felt, for such a woman as she was, and in which she took pleasure for
their own beauty,--soft chairs and couches, a fireplace and lights
which were the perfection of tempered warmth and illumination. She had a
carriage, very comfortable and easy, in which, when the weather was
suitable, she went out; and a pretty garden and lawns, in which, when she
preferred staying at home, she could have her little walk, or sit out
under the trees. She had books in plenty, and all the newspapers, and
everything that was needful to keep her within the reflection of the busy
life which she no longer cared to encounter in her own person.
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