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McCutcheon, George Barr, 1866-1928

"The Prince of Graustark"

Above all things, do not attempt to
contradict a single statement of the police. Admit that all they say
is true, even though they say that you have run over a child or an
old woman with mortal results. It will go much easier with you.
Exercise the gravest politeness and deference toward the honourable
Magistrate and to every officer of the court. You are Americans, no
doubt. The courts are prone to be severe with the Americans because
they sometimes undertake to tell them how easy it is to get the right
kind of justice in your wonderfully progressive United States. Be
humble, contrite, submissive, for that is only justice to the court.
If you have killed some one in your diversions, pray do not try to
tell the magistrate that the idiot ought to have kept his eyes open.
Another thing: do not inform the court that you require a lawyer.
That is evidence of extreme culpability and he will consider you to
be inexcusably guilty. Are you attending? Pray do not feel sorry for
the two young men who are now being led away. See! They are weeping.


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